Heatwave
by Greenfrie
Summary: The temperature in Arlen has greatly increased. Dale's sanity has greatly decreased. What will happen? Rated T for some swearing just to be safe.


**_Hello everyone and welcome to my (short as hell) King of the Hill Fanfic. I do NOT own King of the Hill. It was created by Mike Judge and is currently airing on FOX. Oh yeah, and whenever "Hwat" appears, I KNOW that it is usually spelled "What". On the show, Hank says "Hwat" and not "What". PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! killed anyway And the smoke part may be a bit… surreal, but meh. Also, if it sucks, TELL ME! I'm not an asshole about criticism. If there's a way I can improve I will try to take the advice and use it. Thank you for sitting through this 113 word long intro._**

The heat wave sent the temperature into record-breaking levels. Turning on grills was a useless task-the meat would cook either way. And in the middle of the whole thing, Dale Gribble was wearing a sweater.

"Damn it Dale," said Hank, opening a cold beer. "Why would you be wearing a sweater?"

"Hey-man-talkin'-bout-that-dang-ol'-sweater-man-it's-like-dang-ol'-million-degrees-man," said Boomhauer, who was displaying his ability to not pause between words.

"Y'know I tried to do that once," announced Bill. "Remember, a few years ago?"

"Yes," spat Hank, "and you were sweating ten times more than you usually do."

Bill shed a tear and hung his head. That was one of the several factors that contributed to his wife divorcing him. And when I say several, I mean several. Hank decided to change the subject.

"So Dale… Hwat in the hell were you thinking?"

"Don't you see Hank?" Dale shouted in his oh-my-god-the-world-is-doomed tone. "The only way to stop this from affecting us is to defy it! The government thinks that we think it's nature, but it's not! It's a trick, and this will prove that I'm onto them!"

"That is the craziest thing I've ever heard," Hank concluded, rolling his eyes. "You'd better not get that mumbo-jumbo into Bobby's brain, I tell you hwat."

"You won't think it's crazy once this global warming stops," snorted Dale.

"Hey!" exclaimed Bill, snapping out of his brief depression. "Do I smell a barbeque?"

"Hey-that-dang-ol'-Dale-man!" shouted Boomhauer, pointing to smoke rising from Dale's body. "Get-some-dang-ol'-water-man!"

"Aha!" Dale said triumphantly. "I have short circuited the system." He shrieked like a little girl, then regained his senses (well… the ones he had, anyway). "I've done it."

"Dale you idiot!" scolded Hank. "Bobby spends his time playing those GameBoy things and he still has more sense of the real world then you do."

"Hank, I'm recording these conversations. Are you _sure _you want those words heard?" Dale pulled a tape recorder out of his pocket. Hank promptly smashed it. "**NOO!** You've destroyed my evidence!"

"You should be thankful," Hank told him. "I destroyed key evidence of you being a jackass."

"I see Hank…" the exterminator murmured. "I get it. After so many years of knowing you, I finally figured you out."

"Good," said Hank. "Now let's stop all this nonsense about the government."

"I've figured out…" Dale paused. "**THAT YOU'RE ONE OF THEM!**"

Hank resisted his urge to kick Dale's ass. He picked a beer from the cooler and opened the can.

"So…" he started, avoiding his raving (not to mention frying) friend. "Did you see the football game last night?"

"Hank…" moaned Bill, who was crying.

"Bill, get over your divorce," Hank said.

"No… it's not that… The smoke is burning my eyes!"

"Dale!" snapped Hank. "For God's sake, give up!"

"NO!" Dale refused. The smoke cloud was increasing greatly. "I'm this close to frying the date chip responsible for this!"

"Hey-man-I-can't-breath-man-that-dang-smoke--"

"Do you see how much I smoke every day?" snapped Dale. "This is nothing. I'll show everyone who beat me up in high school--"

Dale collapsed to the ground. His hat rolled onto the ground, and the cigarette in his mouth dropped out. Kahn watched out his window and rolled his eyes.

"Redneck neighbors…" he sighed.

Dale woke up. He was floating through a purple abyss, where pictures of giant insects flew past him. A computer chip was embedded into his chest, and another was attached to his hatless head. Seeing that made his scream.

"This is… it's…"

"Yes Dale," a voice answered. Dale turned his head to see a bald man in a business suit floating next to him. "You guessed it."

Dale's jaw dropped. The first reason was because his theories were proven right. The second reason was because someone saw him without a hat, revealing his baldness.

The strange man chuckled, then burst into a white light. The light grew smaller and changed shape into that of a cat. The light faded, revealing a purple cat.

"You run the government?" Dale asked in an action hero tone (probably to avoid the fact that he just wet himself).

"Yes…" the cat purred with an evil grin. "**_Every_** government…"

"I won't let you eliminate me." Dale glared through his sunglasses.

"I don't need to," chuckled the evil ruler of the world. "No one believes you. I've seen all the proof I need today."

"**BASTARD!**" exclaimed Dale, who lunged at the cat. "**I'LL GET YOU!**"

The cat stepped to the side. Dale was no longer able to float and dropped straight towards the bottom of the mysterious dimension. Black abyss grew closer and closer, until…

Dale opened his eyes to find himself lying in the Arlen hospital. A doctor stared down at him, shaking his head.

"Dale, you scared us. The burning clothes released several chemicals that commonly cause illusions. And your lungs are in pretty bad shape, so stay away from smoking."

"I don't trust doctors," spat Dale, smoking a cigarette (they should take those away from patients!) and coughing.

Before the ending turned into the cliché "it was only a dream" thing, a purple cat jumped through the window and cackled wickedly. Dale jumped onto it, causing his "crazy level" to jump from 505 to 549. That's right, there are levels of insanity.

_**THE END**_


End file.
